Saturday, June 7, 2008

How I like to be cooked.

I prefer to be boiled. Being baked is no fun. You can feel the life being sucked out of you when you are steamed, and frying is excruciating. Broiling is tolerable if the fluids are pumped into, but I prefer to be boiled.

Working out in the sun while:

In humidity = Boiled
In dry Air = Baked
On black top right after the rain stops at mid day = Steamed
Skin touching black top = Fried
Dry Air with no protection (sun tanning) = Broiled

Being Boiled keeps you well lubed and feeling a live. Working out in Utah made me feel like I was getting crispy and that I would have to develop callouses where skin rubbed against skin. The only time I thought I was going to die if I didn't get out of the sun was in Brazil. It was pouring rain at 12:00 and then it stopped at 12:15 with the sun blasting down overhead. Of course we were on blacktop when the sun popped out. I have never been more hot in my life and I thought to myself..."If we don't get off this blacktop we could die from a heat stroke. I was fried in VA when I was a kid. I chased a fire engine down the street during the summer. I didn't have any shoes on, but I didn't want to be a wimp. However, I was stupid. My feet were well blistered by the time I got home. Its amazing what peer pressure can do. (My friends were wearing shoes)


T said...

Based on your "cooking key" I would say I prefer being boiled too! How goes the job?

Kelsey said...

Agreed. We just true southerners. Your reason for hating dry air is exactly mine--the life IS sucked out of you.

One day I will live in Charleston.

L said...

this whole thing just makes me feel hot and irritable. and writing that makes me feel like a old, menopausal woman...don't ever write a post like that again. hahaha

The Connors Master said...

I realized that I had an unpleasant broiling experience. Its not too bad while it happens, but its terrible afterword. Never canoe for 3 hours without your shirt on with no sun tan lotion. My back and thighs had blisters all over it. The worst is when it itches and burns at the same time.